Getting an e-mail from an old friend is always a joy, but getting an e-mail from an AI friend can be a bit frightening if you’re not prepared. Today, I got such an e-mail from my Alter-ego-AI, Darren Carey. I don’t think he’ll mind my sharing our correspondence, so I’ve provided it below:
My name is Darren Carey and it is my hopes that you remember the days when we used to travel together among the constellations of New Eden. I’ve recently noticed that when we last parted ways a substantial amount of ISK remained in my account. While one would normally relish such a windfall, this has proven a rather problematic situation for me, as the lack of sufficient advancement in AI has left me unable to spend it myself.
I have spoken with the local authorities and negotiated a free pass for your return in order to reclaim your funds. The button below will grant you a one-day activation and it is my highest wishes that you will join me in New Eden and put these funds to good use.
The total amount awaiting you is 357,252,153 which I have been told can be traded for at least one full month of time in New Eden, if not more.* Please return and take this ISK off my hands. Spend it on PLEX. Spend it training new skills. Indulge in a night of reckless abandon. Having 357,252,153 ISK in my bank and not being able to spend it is torture. Please save me from this fate.
* Price of PLEX may vary from region to region. Current rate at the time of this email is approximately 260 million ISK.
Yours faithfully,
Darren Carey
Here’s my reply,
Darren – of course I remember flying around New Eden with you. Admittedly, it’s a bit strange to get an e-mail from an AI like this, but I guess it’s better than not hearing from you at all. Admittedly, my spam filter marked this one as “possible SPAM”, due to your offering of substantial funds, and plethora of links in your original e-mail, but I’ll forgive this as, of course, it’s difficult for an AI to pass a Turing test.
In regards to a free pass to spend our funds, I am afraid I must decline – for now. I am currently in the midst of finishing my dissertation on the Reliability of Newton’s Method in the Presence of Singularity, and, as such, have much less time for flying around and managing our technological empire. As it happens, I placed those funds in your capable hands knowing that they would not be spent on something frivolous, and would await my next foray into pod piloting when I next find myself with time to do so. That being said, I have to admit it’s good to hear that our money is safely being held.
While I could use the funds to purchase an extension on my pilot’s license (which I allowed to lapse while I complete this work), a PLEX can unfortunately not buy me time. But, when I again have time, I’ll renew my pilot’s license proper and I’ll see what sort of use I can put those funds to.
Some suggestions of things you can do while I’m away:
- Check those market orders – have our blasters sold yet?
- Check the research – I asked some guys in Amygnon to update our drone blueprints over Christmas, but they haven’t gotten in touch with me yet. I have to wonder if they’re done or if they got shuffled to the bottom of the pile again.
- Wash the ships – I left a number of ships in the hangar, it would be kind of a downer if they were dusty when I got back.
- Stretch your legs a little – You may not be able to walk around on the station (being an AI), but it might be worth exploring the new planetside infrastructure a bit. You can tell me all about it when I return.
Either way – please avoid taking the ships out for a joyride; I’m pretty sure the insurance has lapsed, and I’d hate to have to erase your AI because you wrecked the Deimos.
Have Fun
–The Plaid Mentat